i must consistently ask myself
why do i feel unsafe?
in this body, in this home, in these friendships, in this city
why is it that i hesitate to be with others, to open myself up to company
when i want it desperately
i have never thought about the consequences of this, how far reaching they are
or have become
i find myself wanting to be alone over and over again
challenged by anything otherwise
not having anyone to just call up, to express myself to, to laugh with or unpack
i think to myself, how have i gotten here?
did i create this for myself? this toxic environment that has somehow become
everything everywhere all consuming at once
how did i let it get this far
